I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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