i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
