Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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