They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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