The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
