I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
