so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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