yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
