mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
