i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
