I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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