She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
