The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
