I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
