Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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