Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
