No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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