He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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