I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
