a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
