im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
