4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
