It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i believe in u and ur pee
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
