and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
