I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
