I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
