I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
