Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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