about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
is that a dick in a sweater?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
