I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
