Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
