I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
