i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
