My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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