How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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