you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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