You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
