So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
