so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just took my morning after pill in the library
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
