why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
