return my video game
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
