It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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