I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
