i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
