Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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