wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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