i would punch a child for taco bell
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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