i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
