Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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