He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
