the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
